A little rant about lobster bisque and other succulent abominations.

I wonder if the God of Western civilization is angry that no one is really taking seriously the biblical abomination of eating shrimp scampi and crab cakes. For Pete’s sake, Leviticus 11:9-12 is very clear on this issue: “It is an abomination to eat from the seas anything that has not fins and scales.” Seriously, why aren’t God-fearing and Bible-believing zealots protesting and demonstrating outside of Joe’s Crab Shack? If anti-gay groups condemn homosexuality because the Bible calls it an abomination, doesn’t it then follow that they should also be spearheading a grassroots campaign to shut down Red Lobster? And why do they turn a blind eye to some biblical abominations and focus on others? Is it because they like some abominations (such as tender crab dipped in garlic butter), but don’t like others (such as a man lying with a man)? Oh, wait… I guess that probably is the answer. Never mind. For a second there – and yes my tone is a little sarcastic – I thought that religious conservatives were expected to “not play favorites” with biblical abominations. Sorry… kind’a spaced out there for a moment. How embarrassing.

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Seriously – and I really am being serious – how can any religious argument against the gay and lesbian lifestyle have any credibility in 2014 when snacking on crab fingers and escargot are biblically deemed the moral equivalents of “a man lying with a man”? It obviously can’t. It’s a joke! And even the conservative state of Utah gets it – way to go Salt Lake City! Clearly any holy book that condemns my wife’s love of crab, and expects her and my three daughters to “learn in silence and be submissive to men,” is not going to automatically be my first go-to-book when I am seeking moral guidance – no way! But this is not to say that I outright reject all holy books. As I tell my students, I approach holy books as I do going to a yard sale; I don’t go expecting to buy everything, but if I rummage around I might find something useful, or maybe not. But it’s worth the look. Anyone hungry for seafood? Happy New Year everyone!

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crabs

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